


Not Broken

by hannahfanficrobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Getting Back Together, Love, M/M, Romance, back on track
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 17:41:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7723735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahfanficrobron/pseuds/hannahfanficrobron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Going back a little, how Aaron and Robert could get their physical relationship back after the trial with Gordon. Mostly a collection of thoughts! Mentions of Aaron's rape storyline here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Broken

Aaron sighed, beginning to be unhappy with how things were with Robert lately. They’d had sex since getting back together, they couldn’t not. Both of them were very physical and needed the release, no matter what had happened in the past. But Aaron was tired of being treated like he’d break at the first sign of pressure. In bed, Robert was tender, loving, gentle and… nice. Aaron didn’t want nice, he wanted the old Robert back. When it came to sex anyway, passionate and heated. He wanted desperate, needy, frantic, dirty, quick and unstoppable. The powerful, irresistible way it always used to be. In his mind, many times he’d said to Robert “stop treating me like a rape victim.” But he’d never felt brave enough in reality to actually say the words. It would involve a discussion about his feelings and emotions, and he didn’t easily do that. Plus their privacy was severely limited anyway, what with the amount of people living at the Woolpack lately, which didn’t exactly invite heavy conversations, knowing they might be interrupted.

Aaron decided to book a hotel room for them for the night, even knowing this was more Robert’s area. He wanted them to have some time, just the two of them and felt pretty sure Robert wouldn’t mind. “Hey,” Robert said, giving Aaron a brief perfunctory kiss as he came home from work. “All right?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said. “Listen, I’ve got a hotel room booked for us for tonight, if you’re up for it?”

“Well, yes, but why?” Robert asked with a frown.

“Do I need an excuse?“ he asked. At Robert’s look he carried on. “The house is too full,” Aaron said. “Want you all to myself for a night. Is that wrong?” Robert significantly brightened at that and kissed him again, this time deeper.

“Sounds great,” he said with a smile. “When do we leave?”

* * *

 

Aaron had been quiet on the drive and Robert was beginning to worry. He knew not to push and Aaron would tell him what was up when he was ready, but it was frustrating. By the time they checked in to their hotel room, Robert was convinced something was seriously wrong with his boyfriend.

“I can’t do this any more,” Aaron said suddenly, sitting on the bottom of the bed, head resting in his hands. Robert froze. Was he ending this? Why would he book them into a hotel just to chuck him? Aaron wasn’t that cruel.

“Aaron…” he started, about to go into begging mode, pride be damned.

“No, I’m not saying that,” Aaron said, correctly reading his face. “Of course not.”

“Don’t scare me like that,” Robert said, sitting next to him. “What is it then? What’s wrong?”

“It’s not the same,” Aaron said quietly. “Between us, the way it was before.”

“You mean…?” Robert caught Aaron’s eyes and knew exactly what he meant. “Sex.”

“What you know about my past… it’s changed things,” Aaron said. “And I don’t want it to.”

Robert sighed heavily, unsure of exactly what to say here. Aaron was opening up to him, and he knew enough to know that that was rare. “I can’t help it,” Robert said. “I can’t treat you the way I did before, now I know the truth. Lets face it, when we started I was using you. I didn’t care about you or how you felt, you were just a distraction. A really, really good distraction, but still.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Aaron said, speaking gently. “I know you miss the sex, how it used to be.”

“Yeah, I do,” Robert said honestly. The intensity, the desperation. But he hadn’t wanted to push Aaron, he loved him far too much to pressure him to return to how they used to be together physically. He could live without it, as long as he had Aaron with him.

“If all your other relationships ended up like this, it’s no wonder you kept cheating,” Aaron said, trying to make light.

“Is that how little faith you’ve got in me?” Robert asked, hurt.

“No,” Aaron said with a sigh. The joke hadn’t been funny. “I find it difficult to talk about my feelings like this, I’m rubbish at it.”

“You’re doing okay,” he said. “I’m scared,” Robert said honestly.

“Scared I’ll push you away,” Aaron said. It hurt but he couldn’t exactly blame him after recent history.

“No,” Robert said, contradicting him, holding his eyes. “I’m scared you won’t. I’ve gone over it in my mind a thousand times, and I can see moments in our past that you wanted it to stop. But you never said anything to me.”

“When?” Aaron asked. He couldn’t remember a time Robert had touched him that he hadn’t wanted it. Robert’s touch was always welcome for him. Robert shook his head. “You’re reading into things that weren’t there,” Aaron said firmly. “We’ve never done anything I didn’t want, Robert.” He still didn't look convinced.

“I would never have told you,” Aaron said. “Had Gordon not showed up. I would have kept it to myself.”

“Why?” Robert asked, sensing the honest conversation and not wanting to waste it.

“Because I didn’t want to be labelled as a rape victim,” Aaron said, unable to ever say how much it meant to him that Robert didn’t flinch or look away at the word, still listening to him. “I don’t want that to be all that I am. It was private and I didn’t want people to judge me. Or pity me. Plus the option of forgetting it ever happened seemed really attractive.” He’d never say it, but part of what had made the affair with Robert so appealing was that being with Robert managed to make him forget absolutely everything else in his life.

“It’s not pity,” Robert contradicted. “Now I know what you’ve gone through… it’s difficult, Aaron.” Aaron looked down, he could appreciate that but he desperately didn’t want things to change between them. Robert had always been able to drive him crazy physically and he had missed it since they‘d split up. He needed to feel that from Robert again, the feeling that nothing else mattered.

“I can finally say it now without feeling completely ashamed,” Aaron said quietly. “I was raped. But I don’t want to remember that when I’m with you. Do you understand that?”

“Of course I do,” Robert said. “Believe it or not I don’t want you to remember it when you’re with me, either.” Aaron smiled slightly at the look on his face. Aaron leaned across and Robert kissed him gently, not a kiss leading to more but one of reassurance. “Let’s go down and get some food,” Robert suggested. Aaron agreed quickly. After such a heavy conversation, literally jumping into bed with each other felt wrong.

Throughout the meal, there was a sense of anticipation, stronger than they usually felt. They kept catching glances of each others eyes, and knew they wouldn’t make it long once they’d got upstairs. Which is why they skipped dessert, hurrying back to their hotel room.

* * *

 

There had always been a part of himself that Aaron held back when they were intimate. Robert had sensed that right from the beginning, but he hadn’t really cared. Then when he had cared, he’d known he’d hurt Aaron too badly, from the affair, getting married and choosing Chrissie over him. So much pain, so it didn’t surprise him that Aaron was keeping a little part of him private, refusing to give Robert absolutely everything. When they’d got back together, they’d both been too careful with the other, and the sex had lost the spark it had had last year. 

After their conversation though, it was almost as if a switch had been flipped. Aaron wasn’t hiding anything any more, he was open, probably more to do with himself than Robert, and Aaron desperately wanted him. Being that wanted by the man he loved was an incredible turn on for him, and Robert wouldn’t have been able to stop himself, even if he‘d wanted to. The only thing that would have stopped him would have been a no from Aaron. But Aaron wasn’t in the mood to say no, he was panting and begging Robert for more within minutes.

Robert didn’t do sentimental, especially when it came to sex. Usually it was simply scratching the itch, getting a physical release, or some satisfaction. But this time with Aaron was completely different. He felt connected to him, more loved than ever before. As Aaron collapsed into sleep, completely and utterly spent, Robert realised he had never felt so emotionally close to someone in his entire life. He never wanted to lose this, he wanted it to always feel this way. Robert was realistic, he knew it wouldn’t last, but his deep attraction for Aaron had lasted a lot longer than he’d first expected. He reached for Aaron, stroking his hair gently which only got a faint murmur from his lips, too sunk into sleep already.

“I love you,” he whispered, saying the words feeling so freeing to him. Again, a first with Aaron. He had never before said those words without needing to hear them back, expecting them, almost for reassurance. With Aaron, it was about the pleasure of saying them, the need to express himself, whether Aaron reciprocated or not. Robert knew Aaron loved him. It would be nice to hear, but he knew. After all the pain Robert had put him through, there would be no way Aaron would choose him if he didn’t. Robert felt a sudden ache to see Aaron’s eyes, and his fingers itched to wake him, but he didn’t. Aaron needed his rest, Robert wouldn’t spoil that for selfish reasons. He lay back in bed, feeling incredibly sated and almost at peace. Closing his eyes, deep inside he knew he would never get bored with this, with Aaron. This was different to everyone else he’d ever known. Aaron rolled over, an arm casually strewn across Robert’s waist. Robert smiled at him, before slipping into an easy sleep himself.


End file.
